New Job

"We'll have to cut out your tongue" Quote- My Trainer

Right now I'm training for my new job. I hate training. It's like being in highschool. Girls around me glammed up and talking about who they slept with on this day and that. Older girls (40's and 50's) giggling non-stop. People are already saying things like "She's smart because she wears glasses" But I don't even talk during the class!! Most of them are nice though and I did get some compliments on my scary "I'm an anime Lolita outfit" Once the training is over I'm sure the job will be fine, but the training is for six weeks and then several months of transition.

So I've created a list of things about my job. If you're reading this consider yourself tagged to do the same for your job/school/housemaking, etc. Don't feel obligated to do this, though.

WHEN I HEAR MY TRAINER SAY THESE TERMS MY BRAIN BLEEDS AND I RETCH:
1.tushie
2.prozac
3.inspirational
4.FYI
5.BFO

WHEN I HEAR THESE TERMS I PERK UP IN INTEREST:
1.suicide bomber
2.Hell
3.babykillers
4.Jesus Time
5.Darth Vader

TERMS I HOPE TO HEAR THE TRAINER SAY IN THE NEAR FUTURE:
1.m*f****
2.basal metabolic rate (as in, mine has slowed to death levels from sitting)
3.Absinthe
4.Holy Spirit Time (hey, we've got the big J, already)
5.Excrete

BENEFITS OF MY JOB:
1. UNION
2. Paid Time Off
3. Getting Bitched At
4. Watching co-workers
5. Hiding from co-workers
6. Smelling alcohol that some lady's been drinking the bathroom
7. free coffee
8. A cubicle to decorate (yes, fear me!)
9. working with :aeontriad:

SATANIC ELEMENTS OF JOB:
1. Training (okay we need it and I appreciate the efforts and the humour)
2. No Coca-Cola products for sale within at least a mile of building (pepsi has wheat and I'm deathly allergic to wheat, more on that later)
3. Discouragement from using the bathroom outside of breaks (training thing)
4. Getting up (hopefully ONLY for now) at 7 AM

PEOPLE OF INTEREST (in my training class):
1. Awesome Christian Punk Dude who was formerly a TOMBSTONE CARVER.
2. Chess and Tae Kwon Do Master
3. Former Prostitute (okay I made that one up)
4. Two Hurricane Katrina Refugees

MY WORK PHILOSPHY IS:
-- To get the job done right the first time, to attempt humour to make people's days go by faster, but remain somewhat anti-social and mysterious amongst my co-workers.

WHAT I REALLY WANT TO DO:
- - Save up money to go back to school and get my P.hD and teach your future children. And subvert their minds with (rather than the usual rampant Marxist or Postmodern or Buddhist philosophies of most of my professors) the stylings of a terribly complicated and hopelessly devoted JESUS LOVER! AHAHAHHAHAHA