Then I Must Go to the Gray Havens.

Frodo- While Hobbits are happy by nature, Frodo
seems to be the most melancholy and pensive of
the group. He enjoys hearing stories and
reading good books, and likes to spend time
with his friends, but doesn't mind being alone
either. Frodo is the most well-balanced Hobbit
(and therefore the most bland.)


Which Hobbit Are You?
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Mid-May to early November 2004 PHOENIX A

These are things that one needs to know about a city with five months of 100 degree (F) plus heat!

1. People w/o AC in their cars drive like this. First they take off most of their clothes. Then they eschew the wearing of a seat belt, as that is too much like clothing. Next they swerve lazily in and out lanes, as the heat has greatly lowered the performance capacity of their brains. Eventually a police car (always equipped with sweet, sweet AC) pulls them over. You, as a driver with AC are quite pleased because a wreck with the over-cooked fellow might have resulted in loss of your own car's air cooling powers.

2. If you are descended from a murderous tribe of North Irish-Krautish peoples you will suffer beyond imagining for the sins commited over 1,000 years ago by your invading ancestors. Your time and place in AZ must have resulted directly by the ransacking, covetous misdeeds of the Sons of Uighlin in 1066 and you will be slowly baked alive in the unrelenting heat that seems to pour out of the cracked red earth, the dry, dusty air, and above all from the angry fiend in the sky made of pure burning nuclear fire.

3. Amazingly for a place where the people cling tenously to their scorch-addled lives; there lurks in the land of Maricopa County a frightening array of hostile animal forces. Scorpions are happy to move into your foolishly lush lawn and since as a resident of a macho place like Phoenix you would never own a cat, well good luck in warding them off with the help of your giant illegal Mexican fighting dogs (which are not immune to scorpions). Then there are killer bees, flying stinger cacti, coyotes, viruses that live in the soil and come out at high winds (Valley Fever) and of course pre-teen boys.

4. Pre-teen boys. Expect to be stopped innocently at a red light and have your car attacked by young boys whose bodies are beginning to surge with that wondrous of all chemicals called, stupidty. Further realize that the probable progenitors of these fine youths will months later approach you in a completely different car stopped at a cross walk and attack your car with their angry middle-aged fists of fury.